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Take aim at Carrie

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i hate myself for caring for someone who couldn't ever care back. [Saturday
July 30th, 2005
9:38pm
]
[ mood | uneasy ]

okay. i'm not going to be dumb and naive anymore

i realized a lot over these past weeks. i am full of a lot of love, really.. i just want to give it to one person but i don't at this point see that happening. i'm done. i'm wasting my time and we both know that. if you really would like to say that i'm not wasting my time than you are being selfish. if you can say that, than you just want me here for backup and want me here to be able to fall saftly back on. i won't be sitting here any longer. it was your choice to believe someone so inadequate and someone who couldn't be anymore wrong in telling you lies, and stepping into something that had nothing to do with them. that's your choice.. and if i say so myself, you made one horrible choice. i can't think it enough, but you serioulsy lost your only chance at being truely loved and never being taken advantage of. you love to win but i don't see how in this situation you won. you couldn't have lost anymore than what you lost with me. i don't understand how someone could be so childish in their disicion. i don't even think it was called off because you thought some lies were true, you just wanted to have no restrictions, you wanted to get wasted and than stumble across any girl who came into your site. i really think your choices are pathetic and i wish you wern't so immature with everything. you are very manipulative but i don't see one way this could be turned back to me, because all i wanted to do was make this shit last and actually mean something in the end but, right now it means nothing, because all you CARE ABOUT is your damn social life.  i think you need more than friends. friends are cool but at some point, you're going to need something more.. maybe like someone who can care about you more than what you think someone cares, someone who can always be there for you, someone who won't steal your fucking money and won't ever take advantage of you in the slightest way. and that is what i COULD have been. but sorry you couldn't realize it, or didn't want to realize it. live in lies baby. i'm sorry i wanted to be in your life. and i'm also sorry that all your looking for is a friday/saturday night relationship. too bad i present myself in a more mature way than the girl your actually looking for.

 

take care baby.
i love you


if you can get over something like this, that you said you cared oh so much about,
than i'll be over it soon too, love.

 

 

sugar we're going downCollapse )

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my neck hurts really really bad. kiss me [Saturday
July 30th, 2005
12:20am
]
[ mood | bored ]

bored.Collapse )

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i'm sick of listening to songs that make sence. ffff [Friday
July 29th, 2005
10:28pm
]
[ mood | completly indescribable ]

i'm at my g'mas.. the one who lives in southgate. we went to michaels,
to get some things to learn how to knit. i really would like to try it,
and possibly be good enough at something. i want to make a blanket :)
i'm keeping my mind of things..because if there are not going to be
shared thoughts or possibly the same thoughts than i don't want to
waste my time.. or do i? nope nope...i don't. it's weird because i still,
somehow, don't consider you a waste.
i really must suck.
 

 
 
pathetic. once againCollapse )
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love [Friday
July 29th, 2005
2:39pm
]
[ mood | crushed ]

so my mom let me leave my house again, 
i am at the library with jamie, dawn, erin, and her cousin.
it's an amazing feeling to leave my house, i brang the Tenacious D cd and we jammed it. 
although listening to it made me miss josh and sitting in his living room 
while everyone around us, usally 20 people, we're screaming at the top of their 
lungs the lyrics to the song.. i miss him..josh..

last night sucked because i heard this song (road to recovery) 
and it made me sad.  
 
BLAH BLAH!!






He never thought someone would come along, and show him the feelings he's always dreamed of. She didn't plan on falling in love, upset the balance she's wanted so long. This road to recovery, has taken all i have. It seems hard as i try, to succumb once again, again. Well he lost control and gave up his heart, to follow the girl that he's always dreamed of. She pulled away so scared of a love, that might have been more than she had planned on. This road to recovery, has taken all i have. It seems hard as i try, to succumb once again, again. Well love's a bitch, relationships end. What happens now when that person's gone? The one who you thought you could always count on. You fall in love and they fall out. Love is a bitch, all relationships end.


How do i let go of a love that meant so much to me? How do i go on when you're part of me? I'm dying inside each time i see you.
Don't lose sight of me cause you're all I see. You're still all I see.
This road to recovery has taken all I have.
This road to recovery has taken all I have, taken all I have.
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i love a boy. [Tuesday
July 26th, 2005
7:13pm
]
[ mood | i really love this kid.. ]

a LOT of stuff has happened in the past 2 weeks..
my computer gave up on me and died.. sad sad

and also i have came to realize two things..

1)i don't need some friends, some are just better left untalked to. i really don't think i need you i have gone 16 years without you and can make another couple hundred more. thanks though for your time. you're cute little ways and lies just make me giggle
::shruggs shoulders::

2)i really care about one person and one person only. you mean more than you will ever know. i don't know what to say or really what to think, but i'm just hoping for the best really.

<3carrie

_____

You take a look around
And don't like what you see.
There's people you don't know,
but you know they care.
It's been so long since you've heard the hurting words,
"I Care For You" but it's right this time

Forget your past
And see what is now
Even if you don't want to,
You've got to face the truth
.
You got to face the truth

you take a look around
And don't like what you see.
There's people you don't know,
but you know they care.

So you wait to say goodbye cause
"someday" may come along.
Not thinking of reality
You make the most of your lies.

A broken heart comes crashing down
From your stab from behind
Not willing to admit the truth?
Just face the truth.

Got to face the truth

You take a look around
And dont like what u see
There's people you dont know
Why don't you care??

So you wait to say goodbye cause
"someday" may come along.
Not thinking of reality
You make the most of your lies.
A broken heart comes crashing down
From your stab from behind
Not willing to admit the truth?
Just face the truth.

Why don't you care??

So you wait to say goodbye cause
"someday" may come along.
Not thinking of reality
You make the most of your lies.
A broken heart comes crashing down
From your stab from behind
Not willing to admit the truth?

Why don't you care??

READ 2 CMNT

[Monday
July 18th, 2005
2:09pm
]
i might be getting a job.
i'm lame


blahblahblahblah.





definetly miss someone, wow this fucking sucks..
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BLAH BLAH BLAH FUCK MEEEE BLAH BLAH BLAHHHHHHH [Sunday
July 17th, 2005
1:44am
]
[ mood | why am i like this.. ]

i'm in a terrible mood. i mean just beyond angry. i had no idea that i would be getting so frusterated all the time. this is getting pathetic. i have nothing or nobody to talk to so it's also very pathetic when i have something on my mind, i have to fucking run to the closet thing to talking to somebody; livejournal.

i just want to fucking scream. a really stupid person who follows the crowd and isn't true to himself, is talking to me online. his personality is what makes him so intolerable. it just gives me the chills to talk to him because he is so fucking stupid, immature, and everything i fucking hate. god fucking dammit. it's never made me this angry. he's never made me this angry. he asks me stupid DUMB LITTLE questions just to make small talk! WTF why am i getting so mad???!!! me and him used to talk. and it's weird because ever since i've met josh.. all these guys, i can't stand anymore. they have nothing compared to josh. they are what i'm NOT looking for, if i was at all even looking. but wtf how can i say that right now but be so frusterated with and at josh. BLAH. i don't want to get into it because it's lame and i don't even want to overthink shit and be get gay. i'm just a sucker. blah blah

so me and sarah were talking today at around 3ish. we thought it would be cute for me, her, shawn (bf), and josh to go see charlie and the chocolate factory. nevermind on that tho. fuckkk it's not it's his fault. it's just mine for thinking so gay.

blah blah.
i think i'm in a not good mood.
and TALKING TO FUCKING QUEER ASS FAGGITS ONLINE ISN'T FUCKING HELPING
i want to talk to you..
and i have a feeling that that isn't going to happen tonight :-/

kiss and tellCollapse )

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i get to go to warped tour!! suck it suck it biiitch [Saturday
July 16th, 2005
7:08pm
]
[ mood | feelin' chipper ]

last night i stayed at my gmas. it was funfun. the only not-so fun part was when i didn't smoke a cigarette for 24 hours. wooh. that was interesting. but i came back to my smokefull house and was just back where i belonged and caught up on the lost hours. it was cute my mom comes up to me the minute i walk in the door "carrie let me bum a cigarette" i laughed at her for a minute.

today has been a good day.. yes yes

i miss josh.. love

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[Friday
July 15th, 2005
12:44pm
]
[ mood | bouncy ]

hmmpf.
just woke up and washed clothes. i'm staying at my gmas tonight and we're going to the wyndotte street fair and cute stuff like that. i had a dream that made me want to go to oldnavy. that would be weird if one day tecnology gets so hightech that in your dreams.. you have commercials and places like oldnavy can try to lure you in to buy their stuff..okay that's lame, just a random thought i was pondering on. anyways yes so. yesterday was my dear tabathas birthday. i tried calling her :( larry is a dick and didn't answer. that's it i guess




and if you say this makes you happpy than im not the only one lying

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uhhhhh yuppp [Thursday
July 14th, 2005
9:34pm
]
[ mood | :grunts: grr ]

uhh yupCollapse )

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[Thursday
July 14th, 2005
3:07pm
]
[ mood | loved ]

choose love or sympathy
but never both

yesterday i came to the conclusion that i am going to quit smoking when i get ungrounded. i told this to my mom and she gave me a high-five (how lame) so i go, maybe i should be let of grounded sooner since i have intentions of straighten up my life, first off by starting to quit smoking. and she was like, you might be grounded for a long time so i goooo than i'll be smoking for a long time and you will have to continue to support my habbit :) than gave her the biggest smile! so i think i will be off sooner than i thought.

 

I Love You 


aww i smile now

 

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aww [Wednesday
July 13th, 2005
10:19pm
]
[ mood | chill ]

aw, so cute. <3Collapse )

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lot of pics, lot of fun! [Wednesday
July 13th, 2005
4:23pm
]
[ mood | amused ]

random hotness picturesCollapse )

READ 23 CMNT

Dance Dance we're falling apart to half time [Tuesday
July 12th, 2005
2:00pm
]
[ mood | i miss josh ]

Weighed down with words too over dramatic
Tonight it's "it can't get much worse" vs "no one should ever feel like this..."

yes yes i'm grounded.
i sleep for near 12 hours each night, go outside and fall asleep for another hour, come down here, jam it up for a couple 6 hours, and go to bed around 3 to do the same thing the next day :)

i have to go to see a counselor at 330 today, because my mom wants to see if i need drug rehab. wtf. this is hilarious. because if i did go to that shit, they would be asking me about all these drugs and i would be like no never tried that. and after a while they are going to be like why is this normal bitch in here, she ain't no drug addict. but i will go to see this crazy lady just to please my mother, i owe it to her at least because she bought me cigarettes :) but i just hate talking to people, it's just so creepy and what is in my life shouldn't be a relevent topic with anyone else.

happy birthday tabatha. i love you baby and miss you :(

 

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hmmmmhhhh.. not :-x [Monday
July 11th, 2005
12:32am
]
[ mood | annoyed ]

 

i have had these crazy urges for certain foods lately. and umm, i just happened to want pancakes at 12am. and by the way i cannot make pancakes, but i made an attempt. they came out too thin. i ate them anyways.. i wanted them real bad.

but besides my pancake little frenzy.. i am very somewhat angry. even the people who i don't want to call me, and i tell them to call me..do!  hmm, real cool though. how about this...  don't call me, that will work out good for you ;)

 

pancakes today..
what will it be tomorrow?

READ 7 CMNT

good times, good times. [Sunday
July 10th, 2005
4:11pm
]
[ mood | confused ]

i just had the sudden thought of 2 years ago, going to warped tour with heather and jay. it was fucking awesome. going there and jamming rancid. ohh that is probably the happiest memory i have. 2003's warped tour..all american rejects, rancid, less than jake, suicide machines, count the stars.. sooo many good bands

 i want to go this year, i have my ticket and everything.. but i am way too grounded.. i will not be allowed to go and i can bet money on that. this is fucking lame because i wanted to see senses fail and fall out boy more than anything. i had tickets to see senses fail, underoath, and the used (i think they were there too) but me and mike broke up, he got drunk, and gave my ticket to corey. so i still havn't seen the two best bands at warped tour and i don't think that this year will be my year to do so.

this past year has really been shitty for me.
half of my summer i have been grounded.
shit half of my life i have been grounded and unallowed to do what i want.

 

dayammn i am lame

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[Sunday
July 10th, 2005
12:00am
]
[ mood | loved ]

hmm i didn't get to see you today. but i won't get mad because you would like that too much :)

my mom is drunk and it is so cute. she keeps telling me she loves me and that i am beautiful and that is just fucking awesome. aww she is making me smile for once. earlier i was angry with her because she wouldn't get me icecream
:( but now she is drunk and made johnny get me mcdonalds and when i asked for a sundae he said no. than my mom got on the phone and said "why can't she get a damn sundae. get her a god damn sundae" i was like aww how cute. hah

so i am happy even tho my day was kind of shitty. i hung out with drunk old people all day. it wasn't that much fun. i would have perfered a nice evening with my baby. but ehhh

READ 7 CMNT

[Saturday
July 9th, 2005
5:34pm
]
[ mood | bouncy ]

I like blue eyes his are green
not like the man of my dreams
and his hairs not quite as i had planned
hes not the guy i pictured at all
and those paint by number fantisies i've had
So it took me by complete surprise when my heart got lost in those deep green eyes
he's not at all what i was looking for.... hes more
no it wasnt at first sight, but the moment i looked twice,
i saw the man, i was born to love
his laughter fills my soul and when i hold him i dont wanna let go when it comes to him i cant get enough


aww. i think i stole that from jamie. but it's cute.. so therefore it is now mine.

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[Saturday
July 9th, 2005
1:43pm
]
[ mood | sing me something soft ]

CARRIE WAKE UP

umm i am drinking a Hi-C blast juicey thing and it's cute because they tell you where to put the straw "Stick it here" than with an arrow. awwww.

my mother tried waking me up at 10 to go to johnny's house and pull weeds? um no, i don't think i would have allowed that.

i got a pack of cigarettes 2 or 3 days ago and i would have to say that this is THEE longest i have ever made a pack last. i am proud. wow

i have been getting a lot of sleep lately, maybe too much. but i am indeed in better moods and i feel wonderful and just overall fucking great.


i got nothin'

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RAIN RAIN RAIN BABBY [Friday
July 8th, 2005
6:13pm
]
[ mood | accomplished ]

um i just got home from the trenton street fair. i didn't like it because i used to go to the school right around the block, and i saw people i'd perfer not to see again. umm we were leaving on this shuttle thing back to the car and when we got off i seen david!!! fucking david man. he is so awesome. i cannot forget last june over at mikes when mike, david, nick and i drank a half gallon of cap. morgons in 45 mins. lmao the drama that went on that night was amazing. but yeah davids a cool kid and i see him everywhere. we said our hellos and i peaced out.  <3

i got a charm braclet at the street fair. it has my name spelled, a rainbow, a black and white kitty, flower with my birthstone, star, and the mexican flag. it's a cutie. also i got a necklas that has a peice of rice in it with my name spelled on it. it's as well is a cutie. it rained and i think i loved it. i wasn't in it but i liked watching.

johnny wants to go to the movies. i don't know if i want to but i think that since i have no other alternative that i might go with him. how lame though.. going to the movies with your step dad on a friday night. wooooah sounds great. i think josh is going to the taylor fireworks. ohh i miss him. well i don't know, this is again becoming another worthless post. i think i am going to go upstaires and smoke a well deserved cigarette and plan on going to see batman tonight.

 

imissyou

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